Sunday, 29 July 2012

The supporting your author guide

I'm sure we'd all agree that writing is a difficult, rollercoaser of a journey (Just see last weeks post if you don't believe me!) but I sometimes think that the people who have it hardest are those unsung heroes that support us.
 After all it's not something they choose, it's not their own dream they're following but ours. And authors may have it hard but we're not alone. There are groups we can belong to, blogs we can read, courses we can attend and many books full of advice and information.
But the author supporter has nothing to help them...until now!

THE PERFECTLY HONEST GUIDE TO SUPPORTING YOUR WRITER.

*****HEALTH WARNING**********

Please note that supporting your author may be hazardous to your health.

1. Neglect is common for author supporters. You may find your author will forget to fulfil many of their normal duties. This could lead to extreme hunger as the shopping, cleaning, D.I.Y or cooking will rarely be done.

2. Personal injury is also possible as you might fall over mounds of washing, unpaid bills, rubbish bags or rejected draft copies.

3.(NOTE FOR CHILDREN  _ You may be reported to social services for any of the following -
1. Being dirty, hair unbrushed, unwashed uniform.
2. Failing to bring in homework or P.E kit.
3. Having a lunchbox with only an apple and a sock inside it.
4. Repeatedly being forgotten about at the school gates. )

4. Mental Torture is extremely likely as you are forced to read miriad draft copies of your authors work. You will then be asked to offer your opinion. In detail. Your author will then ignore everything positive you say and focus entirely on your one criticism. They will then accuse you of being an idiot who knows nothing about writing. They will then recieve the same comments from their crit group and change their work accordingly.

5. Mental Stress is paramount when your authors work is on submission. They will become moody, difficult and paranoid. You will be required to be patient and considerate at all times. You must be sympathetic to their trauma if rejected and be able to offer abuse of said rejecting agent/publisher.

6.Mental Abuse is a problem when your author is attempting a revision of their work. You may find your author will disappear for long periods and even when present they will adopt a vacant expression and ignore any attempt at conversation. You may find the extreme stress your author is under will lead to snapping, sniping and occasionally shouting. All of which you must accept as being part of the creative process.

 Of course it's not all bad news. No. The author supporter will of course be rewarded for their hard work and perseverance. As soon as your author has an agent (very unlikely) or publisher (even more unlikely) then celebrations will abound. There may be parties and champagne. And of course financially you can expect - well, not very much really - but your author will be happy and may even dedicate their book to you!

A worthwhile and fitting end to the whole process I'm sure you'll agree. Although you will of course have to go through it all again and this time there will be deadlines and school visits and 2nd book traumas to go through as well...


Please pass this information on to any author supporters you know, I'm sure it will make a huge difference to have such a valuable and insightful guide at their fingertips.
(The author takes no responsibility for any abandonment that follows.)







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