I am awaiting a visit from the Good Luck Pixie.
I have never met her in person before but she has on occasion sprinkled a little pixie dust over my life. Not too much. No lottery wins or anything but just enough to keep me going.
If I had to imagine her I think she would be small enough to fit in my hand and would most probably be dressed in pink. With glitter. She'd have gossamer wings and silver hair and an adorable giggle.
She does unfortunately seem to spend most of her time in Hollywood chucking bucketloads of pixie dust over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and all the other people whose lives seem positively perfect.
But sometimes she swoops down and sprinkles her dust over people I know and they tell me their tales of agent and publication success. I smile and offer my congratulations. It gives me hope that one day it might happen to me too.
Of course sometimes it seems that she accidentally drops some on the wrong people. Those who we perceive haven't worked as long and as hard as the rest of us. Those who perhaps aren't even that desperate to be writers and just did it on a whim. Those who already have successful careers and are just being greedy Katie Price.
Maybe they paid the pixie off? Maybe she was drunk? I don't know and unfortunately there don't seem to be any rules. No fair share. Some people get more.Some get less.
In many ways I know I've been very lucky. Perhaps I'm being greedy expecting more? Perhaps I should be grateful for what I have?
I don't know, it's hard to give up on a dream. I keep on writing and I keep on hoping that one day maybe she will appear and the pixie dust will put my work in front of the right person at the right time and I will be the one wandering round smiling beatifically and regaling people with my success story.
Or perhaps she won't. Perhaps it will be nothing but hard work and a refusal to give up that get's me what I want?
Or perhaps I will never be published. It's something to consider. Will it turn me bitter and twisted? I hope not. I hope I can remember that in terms of luck I've been well blessed with family and friends. I hope I can see all the stories I've written not as a waste of time but as fragments of my imagination that I have managed to bring to life.
No promises though! ;)